Rain Cheques

Well, money is tighter than a Japanese... umm? I'm going to stop there. I'm on the brink of getting some money but for now I'm sitting on $15 hoping I don't need to buy anything soon. One such payment will be in the form of $500 from the guy who wants me to go to his farm on weekends for 'expenses' like a hire car and (after today) some waterproof shoes and maybe my rent. Today it became apparent my wardrobe is in need of more than 'canvas shoes' and 'big dirty work boots' to cover my feet. I'm sure this picture will save me writing 1000 words,

Let's play 'spot the road'

There it is, by those drains!

So I got soaked, but that wasn't the worst part. The reason I was outside in such conditions was for an interview, at a guy's house, for his catering company (one of those ones that comes to your office and saves you the trouble of stepping outside the building). I got the job, sort of, I need to go along on Thursday to 'check out the operation and see if it's the sort of thing I'd like to do', but to be honest I'd do almost any job right now, including money laundering...

Speaking of which... I got an email from my 'farm work' boss, the weekend job that I haven't started yet. Basically he promised to send me $500 in expenses as I will need to hire a car and petrol and all that. I am yet to have any change in my bank balance, which is a nice round '0.00'. Today I received this email...

<Note: The names have been changed to protect the guilty>

From: Chopper Jones

Sent: Monday, July 02, 2012 5:43 PM

To: Ryan The Lion

Subject: Re: Reply to your "Send Me Money" Ad on Gumtree

Hi Ryan,

 I am so pleased to inform you that the deposit has been made and it will be in your Kiwibank account very soon,so please check,also i am sorry to inform you that my assistant made a transfer error,instead of sending $500NZD to you,she sent $5000NZD,but i told her not to worry that you are trustworthy and really ready to work and not cheap,so please i will like you to deduct your $500NZD deposit from the money when you receive it and help me send the rest to my partner

in Australia through western union money transfer,you will also deduct the western union transfer charge from the $4500NZD and send the rest to avoid any charge on you and i will instruct further about your job,here is my partner's address you will be sending the money to below:

Receiver's Name: Fingers Finny

Address: Safehouse

State: Drunken?

I am sure you know of western union and if you don't you can find there nearest agent at your post shop or bank.

Also i am really sorry for the inconvenience and stress this might caused you,she is really a naughty girl,please forgive her,and try and make sure the money is sent as soon as you have it so i can instruct you further.

Also to save time you can go to your nearest ATM machine to withdraw $4500 with your ATM/EFTPOS card and take the cash to your nearest western union agent to send the money to my partner,

I hope to hear from you soon,

Thanks,The guy sending money to somebody off Gumtree who is most definitely not a criminal.

xoxo

So...I'll ignore the grammatical errors (maybe he should fire the assistant and invest in a proof reader). I have to send $4,500 to some other guy as it was 'accidentally' put in my account. I'll be sure to save all these emails just in case the police come knocking. Or I could just fly back to England, keep the rest and hope he never finds me, oh wait I can't do that because I'm 'trustworthy'...

As trustworthy as a doctor...?

So this job gets weirder by the day, but hey, $5000 is still $5000, Sorry I mean $500! It's such an easy mistake to make.

And that's that. I start the catering job on Thursday 'sort of' and Saturday I 'should' be going to this farm or I could accidentally hire a plane ticket instead of a car and go to Thailand for a while? It's an easy mistake to make if you're not careful, I'll just blame it on my 'assistant'

I don't know why I hired her...

 So that's the news, look out for my next blog 'Ryan on the run in Thailand'!