Double Part Timer

Today I went to work, the usual 8:30 to 13:00 sandwich delivery job that we've all dreamed of doing,

It's that dream job you didn't even consider.

Then, after work, I watched an episode of my newest addiction, Homeland, which I got from a guy at the hostel along with a few films and every episode of Father Ted!

MFW I got all the Father Teds!

So that's the 'work in the morning/no money' entertainment sorted for a while, but seriously, Homeland is really good, although I've only watched 2 episodes.

After I watched some Homeland, (which is really good if you haven't seen it, not much violence but plenty of sauce) I went to a job interview, of sorts. Like many of my recent 'interviews' it was an informal group interview where (as long as you're not a complete idiot) you have already got the job and it is up to you to lose it next week when they realise that if they'd interviewed you individually they would have realised you're not too good at speaking on a phone. Of course, my telephone skills are second only to my 'not failing an interview' skills, which have been exercised well over the past year (even if I haven't had a proper 'one to one' interview since leaving England)

The hardest interview I ever had was convincing the woman at the job centre I had definitely been looking for work the past fortnight.

The 'interview' was odd. We basically sat around a desk in an office that looked like the business equivalent of a squat (they are relocating soon, apparently) with a laptop from 1995 in front of each of the ten of us. A man, who was obviously a sales man, not a skinny gent, with wet look gel combed back and (for some reason) a pair of sunglasses hanging from his top shirt button. He actually reminded me of Jeremy Beadle, a bit, he had similar eyes, I think?

Yep, definitely the same eyes.

But then he spoke and it all went a bit David Brent

But we were in for a treat, as after we read a script to prove we could read English (I guess?) we were introduced to Aaron, who looked a bit like a real life version of Gill from the Simpsons (the failed salesman) but had a way of selling like the Volcano Insurance guy from Family Guy (who sells stuff to idiots). He kept saying he 'always wins' which suggests he is a nightmare to live with,

I FINISHED DINNER FIRST, BECAUSE I ALWAYS WIN!

 It was, weird. We practiced 'closing the deal' but that Aaron guy had taken so long to tell us how he 'wins' by closing fictional deals in various ways that we didn't actually get to prove we knew how to 'close' (which is sales speak for 'booked a free appointment for subsidised insulation'). In fact, I'm not entirely sure what it is I'm promoting, it's something to do with insulation that the government or somebody subsidises, there is also double glazing that is 3% clearer than regular glass and 15% stronger.

Which means you have to throw people 15% harder

I know I am not 'selling', well, not really, I'm the prelude to the salesman. I basically call up, get told to 'f-off, you egg' (presumably), repeat until somebody wants to have some government funded double glazing or whatever, then arrange a time for a free assessment, then let the assessor deal with the sale whilst I sit back and take the $3 commission, simple. 16 hours a week, $15 an hour base rate.

Pictured: $15 per hour, all spent on lighting and makeup.

I like to think my blog inspires people to travel and watch Homeland, but also to give then a bit of hope in these times of high unemployment. So for those who can't get a job, you can, I have two, all you have to do is browse the job section of a website and apply for anything and everything, then hope for a group interview and BAM! You got yourself a job and another employer for your CV.

Pictured: My CV, no two jobs the same.