English Commodity

I've been looking into teaching English and it turns out the whole enterprise of teaching English is run by the TEFL guys. I have looked at 3 different books, got a pdf file emailed to me about teaching English and they all say 'get a TEFL', which I think classes them as a monopoly, which Microsoft has been fined for in the past. Honestly, I want to just get on and teach without paying out for a qualification, but I wouldn't know where to start. Example, if somebody asked me 'Herro, Lyan. Can Yoou Learn Me Engrish' I wouldn't know where to start, well, I'd start by saying 'my name is 'Ryan', not 'Lyan'' but after that I'd be stuck. I have found a place online that could aid me with my lack of teaching experience without having to awkwardly talk face to face with a person, however I'm not sure I trust them.

And neither does Windows

It's a company that offers online instruction to Japanese students studying English. The idea is they submit some English writing and I exercise my grammar Nazi skills to help them learn English. It's win win, I get some teaching experience and some Japanese guy learns how to write 'I cleaned my whole house' properly.

If I wish to go through with it I have to pass a 'test', nothing too tricky, just prove I can speak English better than they can, which most children above the age of 5 can probably do.

The whole thing seems remarkably easy, but the quality of their Engrish emails is probably what made Windows suspicious of them. Here's a couple of samples from an English teaching company's email to a prospective English instructor.

NOTE:YOU DO NOT PASS THE TEST IF YOU DID NOT FOLLOW OUR TEXT  CORRECTION PROCESS CORRECTLY REGARDLESS OF YOUR CORRECTION SKILL.
So please watch our Work process video(moving screen) before you take the test.
 Am I the only one who thought of the Saw movies(moving pictures) after that first line?

IDIY offers online English text correction service for Japanese customers.
I hope you'd enjoy interact with them through teaching English.Google Translate still needs some work.

We will contact you within 10days (of our business hour) if you are selected to
take the next step/recruitment test.
I'm sorry to inform you that if you did not hear from us within 10days
(of our business hour) which means you did not get selected.

In Japan they are so efficient that they have one hour, which lasts ten days.

I'll do their 'Test' but if it starts asking for bank account details and Western Union deposits then I may just give up on the whole idea, do a TEFL and gamble on getting a teaching job somewhere in the world. Or I'll just carry on delivering sandwiches in Auckland.